Well people are saying I’m past my prime

Cos I put all my money down on sub prime

Pyramid selling is real sublime

So don’t counsel caution cos you’re wastin’ my time!

Well I wouldn’t say that I’m too trustin’

but the gold coins you sold me, well they’re all rustin.’

Blue Horseshoe loves Bitcoin

And Maddoff let me join

An’ cool cats never steal

cos all we do  is pur-loin.                                                                          Me-owwwwwwwwwwwww!

I’ll give you my dollars for all of your roubles

images9FRM96XIAnd make it double in the South Sea Bubble

But I shorted Google and now I’m in trouble

Cos the man who sold me, well he’s long gone –

said this Internet thing would never catch on.

I’m a Ponzi investor right down to my socks

Since I gave you the key to all my locks

I’m long on hope but short on sense

When you need a decision I’ll be on the fence.

I’ve bought carbon credits and fine wine debits

I’m a real big sucker for farming rabbits.

I bought all the echoes in the Plymouth Sound

Got certificate value for my gold underground

Bought a shrewd investment from a timeshare tout

and an empty can from a larger lout.

Today I’m like the cat with the cream –

Cos I put big bucks in that new ‘graphene’

The time I can tell you I feel most alive

Is sitting at the wheel of my Sinclair C5.

An’ I set up trust funds for both my sons

when I cornered the market in ZX81s.

I reckon I’ll be retiring soon

Cos  I bought a thousand acres on the far side of the moon.

And any day now I’ll head for the skies

cos a hundred thousand dollars says the Virgin rocket flies.

So you just remember that I’m the bloke

That can promise you he’ll never go broke

You want a small fortune? Then this is the key:

Start with a big one and invest like me.


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