I hold myself in that delicious state between sleep and wakefulness. With eyes still closed I look around the room. I need no sight to see the silhouettes of familiar furniture, expectant and soulless.
I grow aware of the sensation of deep relaxation spread throughout my body, which shortly will flee as the tensions of the day begin. I do not need to open my eyes to sense the light, stealing, even now, around the edges of the blackout blinds to draw me from sleep. Should I choose, I can remain in the half stage between the worlds of reality and conjecture for a little longer yet. Gradually I turn to acknowledge the coming morning.
This is the place where my choices are made. Here I have the luxury of reaching into my soul to consider what truly matters to me. But today there is no avoiding a decision. I must determine which path to take. So yet again I face the oldest question known to man: which of two enticing females will I choose? For of two, there can be only one. The choice of one necessarily entails the rejection of the other: she with whom I have sojourned for so very long or she who now entices my being with her beauty? And as I ponder the age-old question I grow aware the outcome was always known.
For this reason alone that I cast back the bedding and rise to meet the coming day.
In silence I prepare myself. A cunning thief hell bent upon the disruption of complacency, I steal away from my home of history. With regret, I realise that she who has mean so very much to me for so very long is now without consequence. And should I admire in myself the capability to dismiss the dedication of decades? Or should I allow the moral catastrophe of illicit love to overwhelm me?
Regrettably, there is no contest. I am a man possessed, possessed with the burden of passion. And the beat of my heart drowns out the voice of rationality that would so insistently demand a measured, considered and … sensible… yes, sensible decision from me –the decision to stay.
To be continued…