Well people are saying I’m past my prime
Cos I put all my money down on sub prime
Pyramid selling is real sublime
So don’t counsel caution cos you’re wastin’ my time!
Well I wouldn’t say that I’m too trustin’
but the gold coins you sold me, well they’re all rustin.’
Blue Horseshoe loves Bitcoin
And Maddoff let me join
An’ cool cats never steal
cos all we do is pur-loin. Meowwwwww!
I’ll give you my dollars for all of your roubles
And make them double in the South Sea Bubble.
But I shorted Google and now I’m in trouble
Cos the man who sold me, well he’s long gone –
said this Internet thing would never catch on.
I’m a Ponzi investor right down to my socks
since I gave you the key to all my locks.
I’m long on hope but short on sense.
When you need a decision I’ll be on the fence.
I’ve bought carbon credits and fine wine debits
I’m a real big sucker for farming rabbits.
I bought all the echoes in the Plymouth Sound,
got certificate value for my gold underground.
Bought a shrewd investment from a timeshare tout
and an empty can from a larger lout.
Today I’m like the cat with the cream –
Cos I put big bucks in that new ‘graphene’
The time I can tell you I feel most alive
Is sitting at the wheel of my Sinclair C5.
An’ I set up trust funds for both my sons
when I cornered the market in ZX81s.
I reckon I’ll be retiring soon
cos I bought a thousand acres on the far side of the moon.
And any day now I’ll head for the skies
cos a hundred thousand dollars says the Virgin rocket flies.
So you just remember that I’m the bloke
That can promise you he’ll never go broke
You want a small fortune? Then this is the key:
Start with a big one and invest like me!