As we approach the Dragon breeding season there are a number of important pieces of advice the Dragon Conservation Society wishes to offer to the public.
1 Dragon Mating
Should you look out of the aircraft window on the way to your fortnight in Tourmalines this summer and see a dragon flapping excitedly about the sky in close proximity, you are advised to inform the pilot who may make a steep bank to the left to assist the dragon in avoiding making a serious error. However, should you hear your pilot announce over the tannoy ‘We’re f****d’ please do not take offence. He is speaking literally. You would at this point be best advised to don you life jacket and make your way in an orderly manner to the nearest exit, even if you are still at 34,000 feet.
2 Nesting Preparations
In the weeks preceding Dragon nesting season you will see the endearing sight of dragons zooming determinedly across the sky with oak trees, lampposts and the occasional timber framed building in their mouths as they prepare their nests for arrival of the new dragon eggs. Any support you can offer these valued and endangered creatures will be much appreciated. Construction managers, for example, might consider leaving out for the dragons their unwanted RSJs, roof trusses or even troublesome construction workers.
3 Dragon eggs
As a protected species, Dragons must on no account be interfered with during the breeding season. However, should you happen to be out test driving your new ruggedized all-terrain fork lift truck you may inadvertently become entangled in a dragon nest. Should you, as a result, find dragon eggs lifted up onto your front forks, do not worry. The mummy dragon will soon explain to you in her own special way that she does not wish you to remove her eggs. Survivors of such an experience should proceed immediately to the burns unit of the nearest NHS hospital where they will be tended to compassionately for such hours as they have remaining to them. Access to priests, rabbis, sharmans and necromancers will also be arranged.
4 Newly Hatched Dragons.
Once the baby dragons have hatched, all will be well. Many determined dragon spotters visit the New Forest at this time of year specifically for the chance of spotting mummy dragons fly home to their nests to feed their young on such dragon delicacies as Frisian heifers, wales and disingenuous politicians. You too can watch enthralled as the baby dragons enjoy their first solid food, tossing unwanted bones, horns and ministerial red boxes from the nest.
5 Interaction with young dragons
Young dragons grow so quickly! Should you happen upon a dragon nest, this is the time you too will discover how playful they can be. In preparation for such happy encounters do try to carry about your person an articulated lorry or JCB to entertain the young dragons. An extremely large fire extinguisher is also advisable.
6 Feeding young dragons
If you wish to try feeding the young dragons, you will find them particularly partial to fair haired virgins in high steeple hennins with long flowing veils. However, should you actually be a fair haired virgin prone to wearing high steeple hennins and long flowing veils you would be best advised to stay indoors during dragon breeding season. Do not worry though, you need not be bored whilst others enjoy the thrills and charms of dragon breeding. You can participate by visiting www.michaelforester.co.uk where you will be directed to a magic portal where you can buy Dragonsong by incanting the long and short numbers from your enchanted card.
A happy dragon breeding season to all our followers.