Blogpost 107: Weeping in Ramah

Right lads. An absolute maximum of one flask of wine each or it becomes counter-productive. This is the final briefing. Pay attention. You will use the buddy system – WORK IN PAIRS. You will decide before you enter the dens which of you is the Guard and which is the Cutter.1 Search the den thoroughly. Ensure you have identified everything.2 Coral all the vermin in one place or you will not, repeat NOT be able to control them. To start with, the element of surprise is yours. Do not waste it.3 It may sound obvious, but I will repeat it anyway. The Guard guards, the Cutter cuts.Guards, do not forget: the females will become very, very aggressive once they realise you are after their pups. Do not get within arms’ length of them or THEY WILL HAVE YOU.4 Cutters listen carefully and observe: Pick up the whelp in one hand by its feet like…. so. Strip off anything covering it like… so. Sex it and discard all females (and Claudius, if I catch you wasting time trying to fuck anything I WILL CUT IT OFF. We all remember you with that little bitch outside Jerusalem last month). Similarly, discard all males over about two years of age.5 Draw your blade across the throat like… so, whilst twisting your holding arm towards your body like… so. As you will observe, using this method there is little resistance to the procedure. That is why it is the Approved Procedure. This is why we teach it to you in basic training.6 Repeat the Approved Procedure for any other qualifying males, discard the corpses, then GET OUT QUICKLY.Follow those orders meticulously and we’ll be out of Bethlehem by nightfall. And you will all be home with your wives and children before daybreak. Gods bless us all.